Gopher Wood

The following comment thread began in comments relating to a post about the hunk of junk Ken Ham calls a replica of Noah’s Ark. I’ll only be truly impressed by a “replica” ark if someone actually makes one out of nothing but hand-hewn timber! Something like that, regardless of the motivation, would be craftsmanship and hard work worthy of respect. Anything else is just another pile of junk.

Timber? Don’t you mean Gopher wood?

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Chemistry Puns

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I lurk on various news and special interest forums. Occasionally the commenters get carried away with cascading puns.  For example:
  • Did you hear about the man who cooled himself to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
  • So I’m not the only one who likes Chemistry humor after all.
  • I know. I take lame jokes to new Fahrenheits.
  • I think all my jokes are real joules.
  • Don’t tell me; you torr something laughing?
  • I’m starting to dislike the atmospheres in here.
  • Ohm my god, it’s getting worse.
  • That news wouldn’t be newton to me.
  • Could it be that all the good jokes Argon?
  • I’m worried that the puns will start to get Bohring.
  • I guess we’ll have to Barium.
  • How’s this: Helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
  • Heisenberg is driving down a road when a cop stops him. The cop comes up to the window and says, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg responds, “No, but I know where I am.”
  • A gold atom walks into a bar. The bartender says, ” ‘ey you!”

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Pithy Sayings

Found in the comments of a recent article I read:
  • Every silver lining has a cloud.
  • Every light has a tunnel at the end.
  • Green is always grassier on the other sife.
  • All that gold is not glitter.
  • Bush in hand is better than two birds.
  • Every cloud has a sync option!

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Jeanne’s Tree Nightmare

"Dear Jeanne: While walking my dog (strange things always seem to happen when I'm walking my dog), I came upon a black van parked near my neighbor Jeanne's house. There were a couple of goons wearing wraparound shades studying your sick maple tree."

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Package Delivery

Package Delivery

I live next door to a lovely lady who is a music professor at our local university. During the year she takes time to lead workshops, give recitals, and appear as a guest artist in various orchestras around the world. I am her designated house caretaker whenever she’s traveling, whether it’s to Interlochen in Michigan, or southern Italy. Besides tending her plants inside and out, I also collect her mail from the community mail boxes, which I sort into piles of advertising, bulk rate, and first class. She also tends to do a fair amount of shopping online, which means the occasional UPS dropoff on her porch. On longer trips, she has been known to mail manuscripts and scores no longer needed back to herself. Imagine her surprise when I emailed a photo of one day’s deliveries to her:

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Two Stories on the Death of Camping

LATE FOR THE TRAIN: This guy usually drives up the road around midnight in a car whose muffler has seen better days, with high beams on looking for an empty site. Drives around two or three times, finally settles on site across the road. Proceeds to fire up at least two Coleman kerosene lanterns, creating daylight conditions for 30 yards in each direction.

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