Humor

Doughty Puns

Nothing attracts commenters more than a pun thread
  • Dough unto others as you would have them dough unto you, for it is batter to give than to receive.
  • We don’t knead a pun thread this early on a Monday.
  • Bad bun puns are the yeast of our worries these days.
  • Guess I have to learn how to roll with the punches.
  • You will if you know which side your bread is buttered on.
  • Not a pun, but a half-baked idiom.
  • The proof is in the pudding, after all.
  • No, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
  • You know, you can’t have your pun and eat it too.
  • So much flaky goodness this early on Monday.
  • Doughnut get me started!
  • Didn’t mean for a fuss to be raised.
  • Soda ya want to get me started? Or knot.
  • Wasn’t trying to stir trouble. Sorry for any mix up.
  • Since I like butter I will have to make a note of this in my dairy.
  • It is a much kneaded skill
  • At yeast he saw an opportunity and rose to the occasion.
  • Good thing, too. I find half-baked pun threads so distressing.
  • I went away from the computer for awhile and come back to find a punfest in progress, mostly missing out on it.
  • D’OUGH!
  • It’s never too late to rise to the occasion.
  • I’m just rejoining the fold to toss in a pun or two. Hope it pans out and my effort doesn’t come off as kneady.
  • Just don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
  • Proof it.
  • You should at least be as dead pan as possible when offering an admonishment.
  • I butter hurry up and post this before somebody beats me to it.
  • So sayeth the LARD!
  • The word of Crust!
  • Sikh and Yee shall pheind.
  • Joshy the Feur looked through these hoping to pan most if not all, but they’re too sweet to make a mess of.
  • re-sieve?
  • Now that’s a bit of a…strain. 😛

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Creative News Reporting

We bring you the latest in New Journalism

Today I was reading news articles on my iPad. I noticed that over the past week, every now and then there’s an article where the author appears to be paid by the word, based on the totally superfluous garbage used to set the scene, as if they were writing a play.

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Religion and Taxes

STORE OWNER: Why do my taxes keep going up? PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because the churches don’t pay taxes, so we have to make up the difference. STORE OWNER: And why are there so many churches? PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because we’re not allowed to decide whether or not something’s a church. STORE OWNER: (pause) Stop leaning on my altar. The above was copied from Not Always Right, a humor site.

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Deep Thoughts

Signs of life are always found on signs
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler. I childproofed my house but the kids still get in. The first five days after a weekend are the hardest. Ban pre-shredded cheese – make America grate again. The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar – it was tense. They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer. Practice safe eating – always use condiments. If you think eduaction is costly, try ignorance. I checked into the Hokey-Pokey Clinic and I turned myself around. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder. I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds. If your car is running, I’m voting for it. I visited the Air & Space Museum but there was nothing there. My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that. Frog parking only – all others will be toad.

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