was passing a couple of orders to Judy at the kitchen pass-through window when the bell hanging above the entrance door tinkled, indicating someone entering the restaurant. “Oh lord,” sighed Toni as she spotted the newcomer. “What now?” asked Judy, The Scruffy Dog’s premier chef. “It’s Little Joe huffin’ and puffin’ like he’s running from the law again.” Even though it was mid-October and a bit crisp outside, Little Joe
noticed this item on Amazon yesterday. Being the oddball of the linguistics crowd, I immediately latched onto the wording of "DEWALT DG5101 Small Technician's Pouch". I couldn't help thinking that it was made with small technicians in mind. I posed a fake question (you have to scroll down to see the questions): Are these people even reading the question, do they not get the joke about small technicians? What is
is truly painful to watch the impeachment hearings when Devin Nunes (R-Fresno), a putative dairy farmer, keeps stepping in meadow muffins... And Nunes had only his Steele Dossier talking points to close with. When all you have is a milking bucket and chair, everything looks like a cow udder. But it takes a lot of pull. You just have to know how to tug the right way. That one was
What do you call a 3.14' long snake? A: A π-thon. Me: The mail lady told me she was heading to Spain for a vacation. I asked her if she was going to visit Parcelona. She proceeded to ignore what I thought was a decent joke. Marc: Well, did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is in the delivery
Here are more punny comments by native wits who frequent one of the news sites I read. Dough unto others as you would have them dough unto you, for it is batter to give than to receive. We don’t knead a pun thread this early on a Monday. Bad bun puns are the yeast of our worries these days. Guess I have to learn how to roll with the punches.
Today I was reading news articles on my iPad. I noticed that over the past week, every now and then there’s an article where the author appears to be paid by the word, based on the totally superfluous garbage used to set the scene, as if they were writing a play. Here’s what I am talking about: We sat together in a charming window booth looking out over the mighty
I was listening to some radio quiz program called Says You! while on the road shortly after February 14, and the theme was Valentine’s day. The host gave the name Maria Sklodowska and asked the panel to name her partner. After much humorous banter, the panel finally guessed that she married Pierre Curie, at which point one of the panelists remarked that she then became a madam. The host
Out of touch with Reality Silicon Valley "bros" have been smoking something bad when they manage to convince each other to pay $35 for a jug of unfiltered, untreated "raw" water. Raw water is water that is bottled directly from the source: a creek, a hillside spring, or a lake. Raw water is "raw" because it has not been filtered or treated to remove chemicals or bacteria that could cause illness or death. We've researched this topic and unearthed a few enterprising bottlers of raw water. According to news sources, 2.5 gallon jugs are going for more than $35. Piers Pure Raw Water (extracted from a tributary of Pence Creek that runs through the feedlot of Piers Dairy in Indiana) Büdelsdorfer Reinkanalwasser (Imported) (source: the northern end of the Kiel Canal near Büdelsdorf) Buttweiser Lite (source: runoff from the Thomas Fire near Santa Barbara, distributed by Budweiser Van Nuys, CA) St. Tammany Raw Water Reclamation (source: wells tapped
STORE OWNER: Why do my taxes keep going up? PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because the churches don't pay taxes, so we have to make up the difference. STORE OWNER: And why are there so many churches? PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because we're not allowed to decide whether or not something's a church. STORE OWNER: (pause) Stop leaning on my The above was copied from Not Always Right, a humor site.
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler. I childproofed my house but the kids still get in. The first five days after a weekend are the hardest. Ban pre-shredded cheese - make America grate again. The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar - it was tense. They're not going to make yardsticks any longer. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. If you think