Pizza for Five

Roman frozen pizza wants consumers to pentasect* the baked pie in order to meet recommended nutritional standards per item. Cutting it into four pieces would result in higher meaures of sodium, fats, and carbohydrates, whereas cutting into six pieces would mean skinny bite-sized slices, encouraging folks to grab another slice. Now the problem becomes one of how to slice the pizza into five more or less equal portions, presumably by
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An Organ So Hot, it Needs a Fire Extinguisher

was recently watching some random YooToob video of an orchestra playing some work that featured an organ, when I captured this moment in a screen grab. What struck me most wasn't the obvious fact that the fire extinguisher cabinet was empty, or why you would need to lock the fire extinguisher cabinet, but rather why would you need a fire extinguisher next to the organ console way up in the
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An Explosive Musical Moment

 Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration, decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute
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Top Mold Doesn’t Match Waffle

 does that top mold make a waffle that looks like this?  
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Small Technicians

 noticed this item on Amazon yesterday. Being the oddball of the linguistics crowd, I immediately latched onto the wording of "DEWALT DG5101 Small Technician's Pouch".  I couldn't help thinking that it was made with small technicians in mind.  I posed a fake question (you have to scroll down to see the questions): Are these people even reading the question, do they not get the joke about small technicians?  What is
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Super Savings at the Supermarket!

 the good folks who stock items at the local supermarket are too busy to look for inconsistencies in marking
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Here’s a Nice Viola Trio

 good way to showcase an odd instrument.    
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An Expiration Date Worth One’s Salt

 customer comes up to me - a customer service rep at a supermarket - with a can of table salt. Customer: “There’s no expiration date on this.” Me: “No, sir.” Customer: “But how will I know when it goes bad?” Me: “Um, it’s salt. It doesn’t go bad.” Customer: “Nonsense! All food goes bad!” Me: “Sir, salt does not go bad. It’s a mineral.” Customer: “It’s food! It goes bad!”
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