If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in.

The first five days after a weekend are the hardest.

Ban pre-shredded cheese – make America grate again.

The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar – it was tense.

They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer.

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

If you think eduaction is costly, try ignorance.

I checked into the Hokey-Pokey Clinic and I turned myself around.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds.

If your car is running, I’m voting for it.

I visited the Air & Space Museum but there was nothing there.

My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.

Frog parking only – all others will be toad.