An author who I follow sends out a monthly newsletter. Recently he asked the question of why flatware sets include two sizes of forks. I answered him by mentioning that there were specialized silverware items that make it easier to eat certain foods, such as eating steak with a fish fork. Likewise trying to dig morsels of meat out of shrimp, crab, and snail shells is darn near impossible if you’re using a steak fork? And trying to stir your coffee with a soup spoon or slurping soup with a teaspoon?
Today I was reading news articles on my iPad. I noticed that over the past week, every now and then there’s an article where the author appears to be paid by the word, based on the totally superfluous garbage used to set the scene, as if they were writing a play.
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because the churches don’t pay taxes, so we have to make up the difference.
STORE OWNER: And why are there so many churches?
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because we’re not allowed to decide whether or not something’s a church.
STORE OWNER: (pause) Stop leaning on my altar.
The above was copied from Not Always Right, a humor site.
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in.
The first five days after a weekend are the hardest.
Ban pre-shredded cheese – make America grate again.
The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar – it was tense.
They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
If you think eduaction is costly, try ignorance.
I checked into the Hokey-Pokey Clinic and I turned myself around.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.
I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds.
If your car is running, I’m voting for it.
I visited the Air & Space Museum but there was nothing there.
My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.
Frog parking only – all others will be toad.