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Friend: “Here you go.”
Cashier: “This isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What do you mean. You said it was $2.73 and I gave you $2.73 exactly.”
Cashier: “Exact change isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What the hell are you on about. I gave you the exact money. Why can’t I have this drink if I gave the exact change?”
Cashier: “Fine, I’ll cover it this time.”
Friend: confused face
Cashier: “Go. Before I change my mind about helping you.”
My friend was muttering about the cashier all the way back to his house.
Funny, I haven’t changed my opinion of the theory of gravity either. I must just be stubborn I guess.
I don’t now, I’m a bit up in the air about it.
I’ve tried changing my mind – but falling flat on my face once was enough to convince me.
Only because you failed to miss the ground. It requires a significant distraction at just the right instant. Or so I’ve read.
Just don’t look down and you’ll ...
I remember ages ago I was at my cousin’s watching football with a few of his friends.
At one point I went to the kitchen, which was next to the front door, to get a beer refill when there was a knock on the door. Since I was right there, I answered it, only to find some Elmer Gantry-looking chap.
Before I could say anything, he yelled in that tremulous manner that TV preachers do, “Halleluja Brother, are there any sinners in this house?”
I told him that there were a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching a football game on TV. He burst past me into the living room, turned off the TV, and started praising the lord to these guys. Their jaws were slack with surprise until one of them, a defensive lineman-sized man, stood up and simply said, “Go away. Now.”
Elmer took the hint and scurried out as I held the door open for him.
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because the churches don’t pay taxes, so we have to make up the difference.
STORE OWNER: And why are there so many churches?
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because we’re not allowed to decide whether or not something’s a church.
STORE OWNER: (pause) Stop leaning on my altar.
The above was copied from Not Always Right, a humor site.
If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in.
The first five days after a weekend are the hardest.
Ban pre-shredded cheese – make America grate again.
The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar – it was tense.
They’re not going to make yardsticks any longer.
Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
If you think eduaction is costly, try ignorance.
I checked into the Hokey-Pokey Clinic and I turned myself around.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.
I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds.
If your car is running, I’m voting for it.
I visited the Air & Space Museum but there was nothing there.
My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.
Frog parking only – all others will be toad.