Anyone who browses various news and entertainment sites on the web will see those little ads embedded in site sidebars, often with such titles as, How to cure acne with this simple solution, Can you name these 60s actors?, and The truth behind JFK’s 1972 disappearance.
One that popped into view recently was on a site called Tempo that invited viewers to take a quiz: Can You Name this Musical Instrument? Okay, so I enjoy music and figured it’s worth a try. The first image was easy, a photo of a piano, and the options were piano and harp. An easy one to start, right?
The second was a little more difficult, an image of a stringed instrument, whose choices were lyre and acoustic guitar.
The third was upping the difficulty level a bit more by showing an image of another stringed instrument, whose choices were violin and vihuela.
I closed the window and gave up when shown the fourth photo:
Friend: “Here you go.”
Cashier: “This isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What do you mean. You said it was $2.73 and I gave you $2.73 exactly.”
Cashier: “Exact change isn’t enough.”
Friend: “What the hell are you on about. I gave you the exact money. Why can’t I have this drink if I gave the exact change?”
Cashier: “Fine, I’ll cover it this time.”
Friend: confused face
Cashier: “Go. Before I change my mind about helping you.”
My friend was muttering about the cashier all the way back to his [main_last]house.[/main_last]
I don’t now, I’m a bit up in the air about it.
I’ve tried changing my mind – but falling flat on my face once was enough to convince me.
Only because you failed to miss the ground. It requires a significant distraction at just the right instant. Or so I’ve read.
At one point I went to the kitchen, which was next to the front door, to get a beer refill when there was a knock on the door. Since I was right there, I answered it, only to find some Elmer Gantry-looking chap.
Before I could say anything, he yelled in that tremulous manner that TV preachers do, “Halleluja Brother, are there any sinners in this house?”
I told him that there were a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching a football game on TV. He burst past me into the living room, turned off the TV, and started praising the lord to these guys. Their jaws were slack with surprise until one of them, a defensive lineman-sized man, stood up and simply said, “Go away. Now.”
Elmer took the hint and scurried out as I held the door open for [main_last]him.[/main_last]
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type 0.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.
- Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
- Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
- Energizer Bunny arrested; Charged with battery.
- I didn’t like my beard at first, then it grew on me.
- How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
- What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
- Broken pencils are [main_last[pointless.[/main_last]
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because the churches don’t pay taxes, so we have to make up the difference.
STORE OWNER: And why are there so many churches?
PROPERTY ASSESSOR: Because we’re not allowed to decide whether or not something’s a church.
STORE OWNER: (pause) Stop leaning on my [main_last]altar.[/main_last]
The above was copied from Not Always Right, a humor site.