Doughty Puns

Nothing attracts commenters more than a pun thread
  • Dough unto others as you would have them dough unto you, for it is batter to give than to receive.
  • We don’t knead a pun thread this early on a Monday.
  • Bad bun puns are the yeast of our worries these days.
  • Guess I have to learn how to roll with the punches.
  • You will if you know which side your bread is buttered on.
  • Not a pun, but a half-baked idiom.
  • The proof is in the pudding, after all.
  • No, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.
  • You know, you can’t have your pun and eat it too.
  • So much flaky goodness this early on Monday.
  • Doughnut get me started!
  • Didn’t mean for a fuss to be raised.
  • Soda ya want to get me started? Or knot.
  • Wasn’t trying to stir trouble. Sorry for any mix up.
  • Since I like butter I will have to make a note of this in my dairy.
  • It is a much kneaded skill
  • At yeast he saw an opportunity and rose to the occasion.
  • Good thing, too. I find half-baked pun threads so distressing.
  • I went away from the computer for awhile and come back to find a punfest in progress, mostly missing out on it.
  • D’OUGH!
  • It’s never too late to rise to the occasion.
  • I’m just rejoining the fold to toss in a pun or two. Hope it pans out and my effort doesn’t come off as kneady.
  • Just don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
  • Proof it.
  • You should at least be as dead pan as possible when offering an admonishment.
  • I butter hurry up and post this before somebody beats me to it.
  • So sayeth the LARD!
  • The word of Crust!
  • Sikh and Yee shall pheind.
  • Joshy the Feur looked through these hoping to pan most if not all, but they’re too sweet to make a mess of.
  • re-sieve?
  • Now that’s a bit of a…strain. 😛

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Creative News Reporting

We bring you the latest in New Journalism

Today I was reading news articles on my iPad. I noticed that over the past week, every now and then there’s an article where the author appears to be paid by the word, based on the totally superfluous garbage used to set the scene, as if they were writing a play.

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Can you name this musical instrument?

Anyone who browses various news and entertainment sites on the web will see those little ads embedded in site sidebars, often with such titles as, How to cure acne with this simple solution, Can you name these 60s actors?, and The truth behind JFK’s 1972 disappearance. One that popped into view recently was on a site called Tempo that invited viewers to take a quiz: Can You Name this Musical Instrument? Okay, so I enjoy music and figured it’s worth a try. The first image was easy, a photo of a piano, and the options were piano and harp. An easy one to start, right? The second was a little more difficult, an image of a stringed instrument, whose choices were lyre and acoustic guitar. The third was upping the difficulty level a bit more by showing an image of another stringed instrument, whose choices were violin and vihuela. I closed the window and gave up when shown the fourth photo:

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Limited Parking

I remember seeing one of those. It was near the dance hall where they were holding a hop.

I hear if those get out of hand, someone could croak.

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An Exacting Complication

I and two of my friends are at a convenience store buying drinks. My friend’s drink is $2.73 including tax. He hands the cashier exactly $2.73. But the cashier doesn’t take it. Friend: “Here you go.” Cashier: “This isn’t enough.” Friend: “What do you mean. You said it was $2.73 and I gave you $2.73 exactly.” Cashier: “Exact change isn’t enough.” Friend: “What the hell are you on about. I gave you the exact money. Why can’t I have this drink if I gave the exact change?” Cashier: “Fine, I’ll cover it this time.” Friend: confused face Cashier: “Go. Before I change my mind about helping you.” My friend was muttering about the cashier all the way back to his house.

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Commenters Weigh in on Gravity

Commenters agree: The Earth Sucks
Funny, I haven’t changed my opinion of the theory of gravity either. I must just be stubborn I guess. I don’t now, I’m a bit up in the air about it. I’ve tried changing my mind – but falling flat on my face once was enough to convince me.

Only because you failed to miss the ground. It requires a significant distraction at just the right instant. Or so I’ve read.

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Missionary Interrupts Sunday Football

Always keep a big quiet man as one of your friends
I remember ages ago I was at my cousin’s watching football with a few of his friends. At one point I went to the kitchen, which was next to the front door, to get a beer refill when there was a knock on the door. Since I was right there, I answered it, only to find some Elmer Gantry-looking chap. Before I could say anything, he yelled in that tremulous manner that TV preachers do, “Halleluja Brother, are there any sinners in this house?” I told him that there were a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching a football game on TV. He burst past me into the living room, turned off the TV, and started praising the lord to these guys. Their jaws were slack with surprise until one of them, a defensive lineman-sized man, stood up and simply said, “Go away. Now.” Elmer took the hint and scurried out as I held the door open for him.

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Puns for the Hard of Hearing

What kind of pun is created for the hard of hearing? Who knows?  I sure don’t. However, here is a selection copied from some random web page.
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Than it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type 0.
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.
  • Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
  • Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested; Charged with battery.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first, then it grew on me.
  • How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
  • What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
  • I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
  • Broken pencils are

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